When FrienDship Shows Up

I have always felt grateful for the many friends I have had throughout my life. And I strongly believe that to have good friends, we must also be good friends.

I find it interesting how certain friendships stay with us throughout life while others come and go. That is not to say that those who move on do so for any negative reason. Our lives change, circumstances shift, and people sometimes take different paths. That is a normal part of life.

True friends, however, are there through the thick and thin of it all. No matter the circumstances—happy or sad—a true friend accepts you and continues to walk beside you.

Oprah Winfrey is often credited with saying, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

I saw the true test of friendship while dealing with my husband Ernie's Alzheimer's disease.

Midway through his illness, Ernie's personality began to change. He became angry, did strange and unexpected things, and sometimes used foul language toward the very people who loved him. I remember not wanting to be around him during some of those moments myself, so I could fully understand the shock felt by family and friends who witnessed this unusual behavior. After all, Ernie had always been known as a loving person and a true gentleman.

I learned to deal with his behavior the best I could. My lesson was not to respond with anger, but instead with love and empathy—as difficult as that sometimes was. It made a tremendous difference. When I stopped reacting to his anger and responded more calmly, our relationship became more peaceful, despite the occasional outbursts.

It was during this time that we also began to notice the absence of some of our former friends. I understood. What do you say to someone whose behavior has suddenly changed? How do you react when the person you once knew seems different?

But perhaps that is one of the true tests of friendship.

While some friends drifted away, a few couples stayed by our side through it all. We were still invited to dinners, celebrations, and activities just as we had always been. Ernie continued to be treated with the same love and respect they had always shown him. And I received their love and acceptance as well.

One friend called every day. One couple invited us to stay with them during our move. And each stood beside me and visited Ernie when he was placed in a senior living facility. One friend stayed with me in the days before Ernie left us.

They simply showed up.

It has been many years since Ernie died, and those same friends still walk beside me. For that, I am deeply grateful.

Friendship is easy when life is going well. The true gift of friendship often reveals itself when life becomes complicated, uncomfortable, or heartbreaking.

Perhaps this week's thought is a simple one: Ask yourself, “Am I there when my friend truly needs me?”

I hope the answer is yes.

And if someone once stayed beside you when your own limo broke down, perhaps today is a good day to let them know you remember.

If this message resonates with you, you'll find many of these ideas woven throughout my upcoming book, Crossroads: Reclaiming Identity When Life Changes Everything, arriving this fall.

Margo

Beyond the Now  www.Margo360.com