What it means to reclaim yourself
My newest book, to be released in early fall, has the subtitle, Reclaiming Identity When Life Changes Everything. As I have lived with those words, I have found myself thinking more about what it really means to “reclaim” ourselves.
Can we really reclaim the person we once were? And should we even try?
After years defined by a role, responsibility, relationship, career, or circumstance, we can suddenly realize we don't quite know who we are without it. My book uses the example of losing my career role to the unexpected role of becoming a caregiver, and then losing that role when my loved one died. Both times, I found myself asking, Who am I now?
That was when I faced the challenge of trying to reclaim myself. But there are so many transitions in life that can bring us to that same place.
We hear a lot about “reinventing yourself.” But reclaiming is different. It suggests that parts of us have been there all along, perhaps pushed aside while something else demanded our attention.
Divorce, retirement, a new job, a move, a new baby, coming back after a serious illness—all can change the roles and routines that have helped define us. We may find ourselves focused on what is now missing from our lives and questioning what comes next.
I remember when my daughter went off to college. I was so happy for her. She had gotten into the college of her choice and was excited about the life ahead of her. At the same time, I found myself feeling a sense of loss for what had been such a major part of my own life.
I had been a very involved mother for 17 years, including raising her as a single mother for several of those years. My life had been filled with attending her sports and activities, going to school concerts, volunteering as a grade mother, enjoying a house full of her friends for overnights and fun, planning birthday theme parties—and loving every minute of it.
Suddenly, that everyday mothering role was changing. I wasn't losing my role as her mother, of course, but I was losing the familiar way I had lived that role for so many years. Once again, there was a question: Who am I now?
Reclaiming yourself isn't about returning to who you once were. It's about recognizing what is still yours and deciding what you want to take with you into what comes next.
This isn't always easy. It takes time and patience and a willingness to look within. And reclaiming yourself usually doesn't happen with one dramatic decision. It can begin with something surprisingly small: saying yes, saying no, calling an old friend, returning to an interest you once enjoyed, going somewhere alone, or simply asking yourself, What do I want now?
Perhaps that is where reclaiming begins.
When Who am I now? intersects with What do I want now?, something can begin to shift. We stop looking only at what we have lost and begin looking at what is still ours—and what might still be possible.
Maybe reclaiming ourselves isn't about finding our way back at all.
Maybe it's about finding our way forward.
If this message resonates with you, you'll find many of these ideas woven throughout my upcoming book, Beyond the Crossroads: Reclaiming Identity When Life Changes Everything, arriving this fall.
Margo
Beyond the Now www.Margo360.com
